Interview With A Snake: feat The God of Mischief
by faeriemaiden96
Summary: A companion to Of Frost and Flame where I interview Kat because I can. Plus it helps to break the writer's block. And I wanted to mention the World's Largest Cheese Wheel. Special appearance by the God of Mischief. LokixOC


Faeriemaiden96: Hey, Kat. How's it going?

Kat: Fine and dandy.

Faeriemaiden96: It doesn't sound that way.

Kat: Well, ten points for Gryffindor.

Faeriemaiden96: Whoa. Looks like someone needs to change her pad.

Kat: Look, I'm really not in the mood to have a little therapy session, okay. I have a nice dress on right now and I don't want to burn it to a crisp when I barbecue you. I may actually do it this time. Your "motivational " talks kind of make me want to murder you.

Faeriemaiden96: Dude, calm your nipples. This is just an interview. Some people had questions for you.

Kat: Oh. So I have a fanbase now? Are you selling T-shirts too?

Faeriemaiden96: ...

Kat: Look. If you're going to sell shirts with pictures of my face plastered on them, make sure you get my good side. And please, no Khaleesi references. I get those from Stark already.

Faeriemaiden96: You finished?

Kat: Hit me.

Faeriemaiden96: Alrighty then. This one's from Nataquack. What is your favorite decade/time period?

Kat: Not the 80's, too much hairspray. Not the 70's, too much cocaine. 40s and 50s weren't that bad. I had some lovely neck-snapping opportunities. Then again, I also had some in the 20s too. You can imagine, right? All of that prejudice. I have to say though, I had some great kill during the Spanish Inquisition too. In the words of Florence Welch, "Holy water cannot help you now." Am I getting off-topic? Right. Okay. My favorite time period was probably 1300s. They were hard, but man, those people were hilarious.

Faeriemaiden96: You serious?

Kat: As the plague. Read Chaucer if you doubt me. Nice guy by the way.

Faeriemaiden96: Speaking of nice authors, Mira SeverusSirius Black-Snape would like to know if you've met Edgar Allan Poe and if so, what was he like?

Kat: I have not met him, but from what I've heard, he was an extremely messed-up, tortured individual. He apparently couldn't hold his drink either.

Faeriemaiden96: Whatever. Moving on. This next one is also from Nataquack. What is your favorite memory?

Kat: Next question.

Faeriemaiden96: Oh, come on! If it's your favorite memory, it can't be that painful.

Kat: It was when I was young. Basically some rich kid found me in the forest, actually talked to me politely, and gave me free lunch. It may seem silly but it was the first time that someone didn't see me as a disease-ridden, freakish child. So yeah, there you have it. That and the time Letty, Carol, and I went to see the World's Largest Cheese Wheel in Wisconsin and Carol stepped in a pile of cow crap.

Faeriemaiden96: Haha...oh god.

Kat: I know, right? And she ruined her new orthopedic shoes too.

Faeriemaiden96: It's not that. It's the next question.

Kat: Hmm. Let's hear it.

Faeriemaiden96: Schnorb wants to know if you get your period.

Kat: Yes-unfortunately. I obviously can't get it in snake form, so I tried something. I remained in my snake form for five years straight so I wouldn't have to get it. Apparently my body seemed to log in the fact that I had skipped all of those periods. The second I transformed back into a human, I got the full effects of it. Imagine five-years worth of horrific, period pain squeezed into one week. I learned that I should just go with it. I do not ever plan on enduring that again.

Faeriemaiden96: Schnorb also wants to know if your kids would hatch as eggs.

Kat: This Schnorb has some very awkward questions. I have no idea. I have never had babies. I don't plan on having babies with a snake and as far as I know, no man plans on having babies with me.

Loki: I can't imagine why.

Kat: Why are YOU here? *turns to faeriemaiden96* Why is he here?

Loki: I was invited.

Faeriemaiden96: Sorry...he's right.

Kat: Oh, yes. The Great Prince is always right, isn't he?

Loki: See? I've trained her well, haven't I? Good girl.

Kat: Yes, you have, Mr. Grey.

Loki: Kathleen has been making allusions to a certain work called Fifty Shades of Grey. That propelled me to look into it. That book may just be the most offensive piece of literature I've come across in all of my years. It portrays those who seek control in a shamefully poor light.

Kat: He's still whining that he didn't manage to enslave humanity. He's also mad that he didn't get all of the perks that come with doing so. You know, twenty French villas, an entire fleet of private jets, a harem of slave girls that includes but is not limited to: Mila Kunis, Kim Kardashian, Blake Lively,-

Loki: And not you. I would be mindful if I were you, Kathleen. Your envy is making no effort to hide itself.

Kat: I don't know what you're talking about. But never mind, it's your loss. I've been told I'm a great kisser.

Loki: By whom, a drunkard? What sober man would ever want you ?

Faeriemaiden96: OKAY! Timeout, you two. Seriously. Kat, can we get to the next question?

Kat: Yes. Is the Prince of Darkness going to be answering too?

Loki: I will answer whatever questions I choose to answer.

Faeriemaiden96: He is a prince and a prince does what he wants. Anyhoo, this one's from sekirk. Kat, do you wish you had a sibling like you? Would they have made your life better or worse? Would you want a brother or a sister?

Kat: Siblings aren't really my area. I had brothers and sisters once but I don't really remember them now. I suppose I would want a sister. Someone to help me along. Two Kats. Wow. We'd definitely have given His Highness hell.

Loki: One of you is already enough. Odin knows what sort of disease I've contracted from being around you. No doubt some sort agent from your skin has found its way into my body and is currently waiting for the right moment to strike.

Kat: Your Highness, I didn't know you were a hypochondriac.

Faeriemaiden96: Loki, that brings us to you. Sekirk wants to know if you've ever actually been a teacher before.

Loki: I have taught several Aesir children the art of magic. Many of my pupils became some of the most renowned enchanters in the Nine Realms. None of them, however, have come close to my achieving my level of talent in the art of sorcery.

Kat: This is the part where everyone's supposed to get on their knees.

Loki: Indeed, it is. I should especially like to see you on your knees.

Kat: Why is it that you make everything sound so dirty?

Loki: Why is it that your mind is so vulgar that you misconstrue the meaning of my words?

Faeriemaiden96: Alright...that's all the time I have today. I'm going to skedaddle before the tension in here smolders me where I stand. Catch you guys later. *runs out*

Kat: You've never taught before, have you?

Loki: Kathleen, what am I?

Kat: A raging turdburger?

Loki: What am I?

Kat: The God of Lies.

Loki: Excellent, my dear girl. Now, that we've got that annoying little girl out of our hair, let's watch that film you were telling me about. Was it Much Ado About Nothing?

Kat: Yes, I have a feeling you're gonna thank me for this later.

Loki: *too quietly for her to hear*...I might.

A/N: Hello, my pretty petunias. So this is the interview. I will continue to take questions and add them to this document if you have them. Seriously, you guys are the best. Please review-or at least favorite. :)


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